online poker

Marriage Life

Enriching marriages moment by moment

Mar-18-2014

Rewriting Your Sexual Intimacy Script

Posted by Alecia under Sex

HHH Logo JPGWe at MLM love the writings and encouragements and the wisdom that comes from our blogger friend, J over at Hot, Holy and Humorous. She has graciously agreed to guest post for us. In addition, she has made available to our readers one free copy of her new e-book  Sex Savvy: A Lovemaking Guide for Christian Wives (which I would highly recommend). Simply leave a comment below in order to win!  

___________________________________________

Many spouses have an unfavorable view of sex. Perhaps they absorbed negative messages in their childhood, experienced sexual pain in their past, or endured marital infidelity.  Whatever the cause, when they consider having sex or begin to engage, their brains run through adverse internal messages, like memorized lines from a script, that prevent them from fully engaging and enjoying sexual intimacy in their marriage.

So how can you change the way you feel about sex with your spouse? How can you rewrite that script?
Read the rest of this entry »

Feb-9-2014

Is Infidelity A Form of Abuse?

Posted by Alecia under Cheating
cheating

www.freedigitalphotos.net

Is adultery a form of abuse?
Great question. And I’d love for you to weigh in.

For those of us who have experienced this we might be inclined to say yes. There are definitely some elements of abuse involved in cheating. Particularly perpetual cheating.

Domestic abuse of any kind, emotional, physical, mental, psychological has long-term physical and emotional affects on the victim. They experience triggers that create panic attacks and anxiety, they develop depression and have issues with low self-esteem.
Read the rest of this entry »

Feb-6-2014

Are You the Type to Have an Affair?

Posted by Alecia under Truth

menshirtcollarlipstickSome people are just more prone to having affairs. It’s true. Maybe it’s you. Have you thought about it? Have you thought, hmmmm, maybe there are things I’m doing, things I’m saying, things I’m thinking that are just making me more susceptible to an affair. Maybe there are things I’m doing, saying and thinking that are making me the type of person who is more likely to have one or seek one out. If you haven’t taken a hard look at yourself or your spouse, its not a bad idea to just survey your life and your heart to gauge where you are at for the health and safety of yourself and your marriage.

Because there is a type. There is a type of person who has affairs. Read the rest of this entry »

Jan-27-2014

Put a Little Heet in Your Marriage

Posted by Alecia under Truth
freedigitalphotos.net

freedigitalphotos.net

We are about to enter our second round of frigid below zero temps this winter. Up north here it isn’t uncommon to have cold weather. Cold meaning 20 below, not 40 degrees above zero. I know we all have our difference of opinion on what “cold” actually means.

So, we’re used to an occasional day of super cold weather. We’re more used to being dumped on with snow, but that’s not what Mother Nature is giving us this year. This year is the year of Frozen. Read the rest of this entry »

Jan-21-2014

Do We Treat Strangers Better?

Posted by Alecia under Truth

I was talking sweetly to a neighbor child the other day and my husband said “Why are you talking like that?” I said, “This is how I talk” and he said, “Uh…no its not.” It’s not that I don’t talk nice and sweet to my family but obviously my tone was so different with this child then it have previously been with my husband that he noticed the difference.

The truth is, I really don’t talk like that all the time at home. I definitely have a “mom” voice and “teacher” voice. They can be very different. And my lovely hubby called me out. But he was right.
Read the rest of this entry »

Jan-13-2014

I’m Responsible For My Husband’s Affair

Posted by Alecia under Truth
Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

I don’t know if you caught what I wrote the other day.…You can read more about that here. One of the things that I mentioned in that post was that when a marriage experiences an affair it is because both parties have culpability in their marriage being in a place where one of them could have an affair.

One of the spouses.
Either of us.
Either one of us could have had an affair.
If needs aren’t being met in a marriage either one of us is capable of either intentionally or unintentionally attempting to get those needs met somewhere else.
Any one of us, given the right timing and circumstances is capable of having an affair. Anyone who says that isn’t possible is at the highest risk of having one.

Believe me, I wanted to sit with my husband through all of the conversations we had after his confession and scream, “I WOULD NEVER…” but that simply isn’t true.
And I never did that either.

In fact, one of the first things I did was confess my distress in our marriage, my failings, my thought life that had contributed to me looking at my husband as if he was less than, as if he didn’t measure up. I can’t imagine how that might impact how I actually treat him in real life. (ah..hem…). Read the rest of this entry »

Jan-11-2014

The Right Questions

Posted by Alecia under Affair
Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

The other day I wrote about how we tend to concentrate on SEX when we find out our spouse cheated. We ask all sorts of questions. We want to get all the details.

The problem is, we’re trying to get all the wrong details. I think some of us really think that asking those specific questions related to sex are going to help us move on and find closure and heal. I know everyone is a little different, but for me, it actually made the healing process more difficult. It was like, each new layer of the “relationship” that I uncovered with my questions created a bigger well for me that I was sinking deeper and deeper into.

And when you’re sitting in that deep dark well it can be really hard to focus on the right things.

I’m not suggesting you don’t ask questions about sex. What I am suggesting is that you focus on what matters most. Don’t get so bogged down with the physical betrayal that you forget to move on towards the real, underlying betrayal of your heart. Read the rest of this entry »

Jan-6-2014

It’s Not About Sex

Posted by Alecia under Truth
Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

If your spouse has had an affair one of the first things you question is the sex. If you have an affair and your spouse finds out about it, one of the first things you confess is how far you went.

Here’s the thing.

Affairs aren’t about sex.

And yet too often we focus on that. Read the rest of this entry »

Dec-30-2013

Top Posts from 2013

Posted by Alecia under Link ups

2013 brought a lot of interesting topics floating around the blogosphere. We are grateful for fellow bloggers who sparked important conversations and we are, as always, grateful for our experiences that have brought us to where we are today as a married couple and as marriage bloggers.

The following are some of our most visited and commented on posts from 2013:

* Quality vs Quantity

 

* Toss the Tech?

* The Truth About Affairs

* I Don’t Have to Be Right (Outloud)

* I Am Satisfied With My Spouse

*  Virginity, The Blame Game and Repentance

*  Waiting to Get Married

 

Honorable Mentions:

*  That Same Old Fight

* Frugality, Marriage and Toothpaste

*  You Are Not the Exception

 

Dec-30-2013

New Years Resolutions For Your Marriage…

Posted by Alecia under Resolutions
Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

… {and a recap of 2013 posts}

It’s that time of year again. A time of renewal and reflection. A time to put plan into action. A time to be decisive and intentional and pro-active. We do it in every other area of our lives at New Year’s, don’t we? We look back at the previous year and decide what we wished we’d done, what we forgot to do, what we needed to do better and then we make a plan to set about doing those things differently in the new year. We make plans to lose weight, exercise more, save more, have more adventures, and be with family more. What about our marriages? What can we do to be pro-active and intentional in our marriages in the new year?

Read the rest of this entry »

Subscribe to Marriage Life