Marriage Life

My daily struggle and quest for toothpaste. The top one is mine. Everyone else uses the full one.

Confession time…

I have a tendency to be frugal.

If I see a penny I will stop to pick it up.

I will be the only one at the table to order a water. Duh, its free.

When we have fast food I will grab as many napkins as I can without drawing attention to myself so I can stockpile at home.

I’m constantly switching up plans with insurance and cable companies to get the most for my money.

If someone at church offers me leftovers from the potluck I will never turn them down. I will always say, “Hey kids, look what you’re having for dinner for the next week!”

I will get every last drop out of every sauce can, shampoo bottle, and toothpaste tube.

I don’t know why, but my frugal ways have not had the influence I’d hoped on the rest of my family.

For instance,  while I will eek out as much as I can out of the old tube of toothpaste for, like, another two to three weeks, my entire family moves on to the next, new toothpaste tube. Read the rest of this entry »

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Earlier this week we were talking about the importance of owning your part in the issues that are present in your marriage. I know that was probably a hard message to hear. Let me rephrase that.

That WAS a hard message to hear. Especially for those of us who have been hurt by destructive choices our spouse made.

However…and this is coming from the hurt spouse…I stand by the claim that it takes two to tango. It takes two to create and maintain a problem, a stressor, a tension.

I know…there might be an extreme case out there where one spouse is giving their all, continually being kind and respectful, not ever pushing their spouses buttons, not ever responding to their spouse with their own come-backs and yet there is never any progress or resolution. Read the rest of this entry »

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

This weeks Marriage Truth is a hard one to swallow.

Because it’s going to require some introspection. It’s going to require an ability to take the light off of our spouses and shine it on all the dark and scary places of ourselves.

And that’s not easy is it?

Because any time we have difficulty in our marriage it seems our first reaction is to look at our spouses and see all the things that THEY are doing to create the problem.

The thing is, it takes two people to create a problem.

It really does.

Consider our situation. Read the rest of this entry »

Courtesy of quillcottage.blogspot.com

You know what they say…

“You can’t stay mad at someone who makes you laugh.”

That’s certainly been true for us.

I’ve often said to Clint, “Ooooooo….if you didn’t make me laugh so much…”

And of course, I’m just as hilarious. I tell Clint all the time, “I’m funny” after saying something witty and clever because often he is so mesmerized by my wit and cleverness that he forgets to laugh….

But isn’t it true?

If we didn’t have all those feel good moments, those rolling on the floor moments, those laugh till you can’t breathe and tears are rolling down your cheeks moments, or as one jokester put it, laughing so hard that “tears run down my leg” moments, then what would we have to balance out the every day, boring, painful, disappointing, irritating moments? Read the rest of this entry »

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Some people like to fight just for the sake of fighting.

Some like to fight because they love to win.

Some like to fight because they like the drama. They thrive on it.

The truth is, all couples fight. Read the rest of this entry »

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Romance doesn’t happen in the big Anniversary getaways or the expensive gifts for special occasions or in middle of the romantic restaurant…

Oh sure, it can happen there. We pay big bucks for the expectation that it will happen there. But, if we are waiting for it to happen there – in those big moments – and only there we are missing out on some great opportunities for romance in our EVERYDAY.

At the end of the day, it’s the little things that matter most.

Kurt Vonnegut once said, “Enjoy the little things in life…for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.”

People, relationships, family. Read the rest of this entry »

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

We’ve all heard it before…

Money problems are one of the biggest reasons for divorce.

People who fight about money have a higher rate of divorce.

Statistics show that this is pretty accurate.

Studies show that the more couples fight/disagree on money the higher rate of divorce.

Studies also show that while money problems may be a predictor of future divorce ultimately it really ain’t about the money.

It’s about so much more than that. Money is the symptom of a bigger foundational problem. Money is the surface issue that couples tag onto instead of talking about the deeper issues at hand.

The truth is: Money isn’t the problem. It’s pride, perception, expectations, discontentment, unresolved childhood issues that revolve around money, and lack of shared values. Read the rest of this entry »

What’s in it for me?

Ever heard someone express that? Or its second cousin, “It’s not my job?”

Our kids have been participating in a program at school lately that is encouraging them to do three things, “Read, Run and Reach.” The idea is to get kids to move past the mindset of “What’s in it for me?”

The Reach part involves performing random acts of kindness. They needed to find ways to help that were out of the ordinary, not expected, above and beyond.

There were days that some of my kids would say, “I unloaded the dishwasher like you asked. Can I put that on my Reach list?”

And I would remind them that while I appreciated them following my instructions that this was a chore that they were required to do. They needed to find ways to help out that weren’t required of them. Read the rest of this entry »

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net

Just the other day I was subbing again and had reason to use one of my favorite tools when it comes to elementary students. I had one class that had some problems getting cleaned up and ready to line up and so I pulled one out from my preschool teaching days. And it works. Seriously. Every time.

I find a child or a group who is doing really well, doing exactly what they are supposed to and say, “I really like the way so-and-so is working right now. I really like the way so-and-so is cleaning up right now.”

All of a sudden there are numerous kids who are changing directions and doing exactly what I need them to do without me having to yell or be negative. Read the rest of this entry »

We’ve talked before, as have countless other marriage bloggers, about how comparison kills. It destroys. It sets us up for failure and disappointment. I mean, when we compare what we think we know about other people (what they choose to show us) with the worst we know about ourselves…we’re going to lose every time.

I want to talk about a different kind of comparison today.  Something that is on the opposite end of the spectrum. Rather than comparing ourselves to people who seem to have it all together, there are some of us who like to compare themselves to the worst, to people who are mean, abusive, or disgusting in order to make themselves look or feel better. Read the rest of this entry »