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A while back we were sitting down with another couple talking who had experienced what we’ve experienced. We listened to where they were at and what they were dealing with. They listened to parts of our story that we shared that were relevant to what they were dealing with. In the midst of this conversation I was asked a question that I’m asked all too often.
“I want to call/confront/talk to the other woman. Should I?”
When infidelity happens to us, we want to understand. We want an answer to the “why.” We want closure.
And we think if we aren’t getting it from our spouses (which is highly likely because of the fog they are going through and the minefield they feel they are stepping through when they answer your questions) that maybe we can get some clarity from the person that our spouse has/had feelings for.
This is a tricky situation to navigate. I’ve known people that it has worked well for and people that it hasn’t.
It has helped some people moved forward and work towards forgiveness of the other person and on the flip side…
It has been one of the worst parts of the whole process for others.
I will tell you what I told this woman, and others…
Do what you think is best for your situation. But go into it with low expectations.
Ideally, you want to call this other person up, or meet with them, talk about the situation, and hear an expression of extreme remorse come out of their mouths. You want to hear a recognition of what they did to hurt you in the choices that they made.
My experience has been that that outcome is highly unlikely. Read the rest of this entry »