Awhile back I was out with some girlfriends and everyone was
talking about knocking their husbands. I, of course, joined in and being the quippy one in the group I threw a few zingers out there and drew a few laughs. Its what I do.
But…that was BEFORE.
Before our marriage collapsed.
Before my world forever changed.
Before I realized that I played just as big a part as my husband did in the health and current status of our marriage.
It never occurred to me NOT to join in the girly gossip about how annoying our husbands are because they don’t listen and we have to ask them 100 times to do something and for crying out loud we shouldn’t have to ask, they should just know…you know the conversation I’m talking about.
It never occurred to me NOT to put my husband down in front of his buddies.
Or treat him like his mother.
Or tease him or make light of him in front of others. Unless it was something I knew he’d have a good laugh at too.
Well, it did occur to me. But, I didn’t stop myself. And, I think that’s the problem for most of us. Men and women alike.
Here’s the thing…our spouses need us to be their biggest cheerleader. They need us to stick up for them. They need us to promote them. They need us to keep what happens in our marriage in our marriage.
Because our marriage is sacred.
We shouldn’t be running to our besties and our families every single time our spouse lets us down. We have maybe said this before, but what happens when we continually go to our family and friends to vent and talk about our spouses “bad” behavior? We create a stigma about our spouses. Everyone begins to think you’re married to a louse. When in reality, you’re probably just like the rest of us. You’re probably just married to a normal human being who messes up.
We don’t think to go to our friends and family when our spouse does something right, do we?
That being said, when’s the last time something happened in our marriage, good or bad, that we just kept in our marriage?
We aren’t suggesting that you become secretive or cryptic. Obviously the people on facebook who continually make statements like, “Well, here we go again…” or “I can’t believe he said THAT!” are annoying. They’re just trying to get attention.
But isn’t that what we’re doing when we continually share the negatives with friends and family? Looking for attention?
The truth is, your marriage needs your attention.
The truth is, when your spouse hurts or disappoints you, you only need to share this with one person…your spouse.
And if your spouse refuses to recognize or admit to the issue at hand, the only person you need to share this with is a trusted pastor, counselor or good friend (not friendssss).
Our spouses will get on our nerves at times. They will hurt us. They will frustrate us. It’s inevitable. We can’t control that.
What we do have control over is what we share, when we share it, and why we share it.
Your marriage is sacred. What happens in your marriage is sacred.
Don’t treat it like every little thing that happens belongs on the cover of the latest tabloid. Most of the stuff that happens doesn’t even belong in the bottom corner on page 9.
It belongs in your marriage.
Keep it sacred.