I wrote on our facebook site the other day that you shouldn’t take your marriage for granted no matter how great you think it is. I don’t know about you but I have the tendency to just fall right into this level of complacency in my marriage without even thinking about it.
It’s so easy, isn’t it?
Everything is great.
We’re getting along.
There’s no disagreements whatsoever.
It feels like our marriage is walking through a pretty meadow full of yellow daisies.
And so, we stop fighting. We stop maintaining. We stop working.
Until one day we wake up and…
We’re cranky towards each other.
One or both of us seems distant.
Communication is just “off.”
We’re just missing each other.
Intimacy feels forced or intermittent.
And we think, Oh, dear Lord, what is going on? I better step it up! I better start reading that Marriage Devotional again. I better start praying for my spouse again. I better start praying with my spouse again. I better start showing my spouse I appreciate them again. I better give my spouse some positive attention when they come home tonight.
The truth is that we should be doing this ALL.THE.TIME. regardless of the state of our marriage.
But we don’t. Why is that?
One reason, we think is that its kind of our human nature to operate like that. I mean, many of us already kind of do that with God too don’t we? We don’t talk to him or spend time with him unless or until something is wrong. It’s like he’s our go-to when there’s a tragedy instead of our daily resource for all that we need to sustain us regardless of what we are facing. I’m not suggesting that behavior is right, just that we, in our fallen human state, aren’t inclined to naturally take steps towards intimacy and authenticity. It takes work.
Kind of like driving a car. You keep your hands on the wheel because when you don’t your car naturally drifts left or right. If we aren’t constantly aware and constantly keeping our car on track then it will eventually, left to its own devices, either veer into oncoming traffic or go into the ditch. Not fun.
Many marriage experts have shouted from the rooftops that marriages don’t stay healthy and connected and intimate naturally. They will eventually drift into an abyss of isolation is we aren’t DELIBERATE.
That’s the key.
We need to be deliberate.
We need to be deligent.
We need to be aware.
We need to have both hands on the wheel.