We have said a thousand times…affairs are not worth it.
We’ve also attempted to the best of our ability to get people to realize that, while they would like to think so, they are most likely not the exception to the rule. If you are having an affair, and think that you two are meant to be together and that you two will be the ones to beat the odds…let us share those odds with you…
The truth about infidelity is:
Most professionals will tell you that anywhere from 95-97% of all affairs never last. They usually end within two years. They either end by one person deciding it’s not worth all the loss and ending it or by it dying a natural death once it sees the light of reality. You know, taking out the garbage, paying bills, dealing with the real life consequences.
For the sake of this post, I’m going to give the affair marriages the benefit of the doubt and give them the full 95%. So, lets assume that the best occurs in affair statistics and 5% of affairs actually last and become marriages.
Of the approximately 5% that end in marriage about 75% of them end in divorce.
A 1% chance that your affair will make it to marriage. Not a 1% chance that you’ll be married beyond 5 years. That, I’m afraid, is an almost zero chance.
According to Dr. Frank Pittman, the mortality rate of affair-based marriages is as follows:
5 years – 75%
10 years – 90%
Lifetime – 95%
Let me break this math down for you…
Out of 100 people who leave their marriages for an affair only 5 of them will last and lead to marriage.
Of those 5, 3.75 of them will end in divorce within the first 5 years. That’s a 1.25 out of 100 shot that you’ll make it to the 5-year mark. Never mind the “till death do us part” mark. There’s only a 0.025 chance in 100 that you’ll get that far.
Why? You’ve got way too much going against you. And you’d know that if your mind and your heart wasn’t wrapped up in a fantasy bubble.
Every day we hear about people leaving their spouses for this other person that they think is better for them, more meant to be.
There are plenty of valid reasons why these relationships don’t work. But, when you are caught up in it, the last thing you want messing up your mojo is a little bit of reality.
Affairs are nothing more than fantasy. There is not one aspect of them that is reality based. We see people who think they will leave their spouse and every thing will be perfect ALL. THE. TIME.
And in this affair fog they are in, they fail to see how their decision will forever impair their relationship with their children. How their decision will more than likely affect their job, if not their career. They fail to see how their decision will damage their reputation and their friends and families ability to trust them.
Beyond that, the top reasons why affair marriages don’t work are:
1) The affair partners don’t take time between their failed marriages and jumping into a commitment with each other. The 0.025% of affair marriages that make it are couples who waited up to a full year after the divorce was final to not only get married but live with each other. People who are in full on affairs find that very difficult to do. They usually just jump right in.
2) The affair partners have children that are involved in this mess. Affair marriages that have a 0.025% chance of making it are couples who don’t have any children from previous relationships or have all of their children grown.
3) The affair partners were very deceptive. Not only is their relationship with each other based on deception that will follow them into their future, but there is a supreme amount of deception that goes into everything they do to get out of their marriages so they can be together. Affair marriages that have a 0.025% chance of working have friends and family who support their decision because they aren’t lying and excuse-making their way through the whole process with their spouses and extended family. That rarely happens.
Sorry if I sound like a broken record, continually bringing up the 0.025% but I’m all about being real.
An affair is not like a real relationship.
It didn’t start out like your typical dating experience.
It doesn’t have the same dynamics.
And consequently, it will not have the same outcome.
The consequences are a totally different ball game.
Most people would mistakenly believe that their relationship has the same chance of making it as any other relationship. 50%.
They couldn’t be more wronger. (That’s a Veggie Tales reference, just for fun.)
We cannot say this enough, affairs aren’t worth it.
No matter how you slice it.
No matter who you are.
No matter how well you think you plan out your future.
Tell the truth.
Face the consequences.
And do whatever you can to heal your mind and heart and heal the brokenness in your current marriage.
Even with the stress of healing from an affair, your current marriage stands a better chance of lasting then your affair relationship does.
I don’t have a statistic for this, but do have personal experience and countless conversations with others who have also experienced infidelity… but for every couple I know that experienced infidelity and chose to stay in their marriage and work at it… 100% of them are glad they did. 100% of them would tell you that their marriage is better today than it was before the affair.
Some odds, huh?
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