The first decade of our marriage was a roller coaster. We didn’t start out well and we didn’t equip ourselves with the tools for a successful marriage. We were two stubborn, selfish individuals thrown together and struggling to make it work. About 10 years into our marriage Clint began living a secret life. Over the course of three years he had multiple affairs. The night he laid his secret on the table began a period in our lives that absolutely changed our relationship and the course of our lives… for the better. That’s not to say that this process was easy. It has been the most challenging thing either of us has ever committed to.
However, having walked through many trials in this process we can also say in all honesty that God was preparing our hearts for this long before it came out in the open. It is amazing to see how God can and does use our sin and our pain to fulfill His plan for us. His ways are so much better than ours. His hand is in everything. Had we not been in a place where we were able and willing to see that His Truth matters more than our feelings or our circumstances this story may have had a different outcome. Being apart of this restoration process has taught us a few things so far…Life is all about choices. We wake up every day and choose to love God, love each other and live the Truth.
If you are someone or know someone who has experienced the pain of infidelity then you know…there is nothing quite like it. It changes everything you know to be true. It drops the bottom out right from under you. It takes your emotions, your heart and your mind for a ride you never would have gotten on had you been given the choice. Our hearts ache for you and all you are going through. But our hearts also rejoice in the truth that God can do anything. In fact He often can and does use pain to bring healing and restoration into hearts and lives and marriages every day.
When I (Alecia) first learned of my husband’s infidelity I couldn’t breathe, eat, sleep, I could barely function. One of the best things that happened to me was a chance encounter. Clint and I were put in touch with a couple who had experienced what we were experiencing. Along the way, we have encountered many examples of couples who have experienced what we have experienced and have learned from their stories. It really brings to light the scripture that states “who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows” (2 Corinthians 1:4-5.). Because now it’s our turn. Our hope is that our story might somehow bring hope and shine a light of truth on marriage, love, infidelity and everything inbetween. Although all of our stories have unique aspects to them, there are many resounding truths that ring clear in all of them. Our prayer is that by sharing our story and lessons learned that others may in turn be able to “comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
The following chapters are essentially excerpts from a book we are writing on our experience. It is half memoir, half lessons learned that we believe are applicable to all marriages.
This is our story…