I just read Kim K’s remarks about why she divorced Kris Humphries. She talked about knowing “deep down” that it wasn’t right and she is choosing to “follow her heart.”
Alecia had a terrific post about this some time ago…let me see if I can find it…Oh yes…here it is. In fact, as I read it again I wish Kim and Kris could read it. What we are looking for in life and marriage is that we learn to lead our heart. If we know that our emotions will let us down then we can’t base our decisions on them.
We work like this:
Thoughts produce feelings produce action.
There is no such thing as a feeling without first a thought. So we have to set out to change our thoughts. Which is one of the reasons we implemented the Marriage Truth Project. We have had “tapes” playing in our head since we were little peeps.
I know a few people that blame therapists for placing blame on parents, and certainly not all blame falls on parents. However, say two adults decide to get married at the age of 20. They both have had 19-20 years of “tapes” playing in their heads. Perhaps both from entirely different worldviews. Now here they are together with different thoughts that they keep telling themselves.
So you have one parent that was married 4-5 times. What is communicated is that “marriage is not forever and spouses can come and go.” So what is played in the mind of this person? I don’t have to stay married. I can try one and if I don’t like it. Ba-bye.
The other person in the relationship was told, “divorce is not an option. Ever. God hates divorce and God will hate you.” That “tape” plays in their mind. So they will remain committed to the marriage with a pit bull type mentality. Granted, there are other issues with that statement but not now, we don’t have time.
So the spouse that believes spouses can come and go suddenly finds themselves in a marriage that they don’t “feel” or “my heart is telling me this isn’t the marriage for me” is more than likely going to end the marriage. Because they are not just following the feeling they are following the thoughts that led to the feeling.
So we set out on the journey to play new tapes in our minds.
What tapes? We can help you start your journey. Join us for the Marriage Truth Project.